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Satire: Tips on How Not To Study For Finals:

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Chances are You Have No Chance, Especially If You Are Reading This Article

If you’re looking for ways to better prepare yourself for final exams, then chances are you are looking in the wrong places.

Numerous articles and news stories push the beliefs that their articles and study tips will help students make better grades on exams.

In fact, students who follow these suggested study tips can kiss passing exams goodbye because there is no hope for them. This is the sad truth that these articles don’t tell you. They fail to mention the fact that if you are desperate enough to research ways to pass your finals or even read their article before studying for finals then you have an even bigger issue than you thought, and it’s not studying for finals. If anyone uses those study tips their entire college career will plummet down into the fiery pits of the inferno.

The fact of the matter is that if you are so desperate to find ways to pass your finals that involve taking time away from studying then you probably deserve the grades that you’ll end up making on your finals. The time you spend reading these “study tips that will help you pass finals” articles is time you’re wasting and could be using to go over that one extra Quizlet slide you’ve been looking at for twenty minutes straight. Sounds like you’re procrastinating.

Maybe you are or maybe you aren’t, but the truth is there is no right way to study for final exams. The people who insist that you adopt their study tips and habits are simply giving you advice they probably wouldn’t even use themselves. You might as well just not study at all and take the L you’ll get anyway because the study guide your professor gave you will most likely be useless anyway. Don’t even read that study guide. Just wing it. It may be just as useless as the meaningless study tips you’re getting from the articles online.

Chances are these articles probably tell you things like making notecards will help you pass because you’ll remember more material. Or that you should study as soon as you learn that you have an exam so that you have a better chance of doing good. Or they might even go as far as telling you that if you record the lectures and listen to them while you sleep at night then you have a better chance at retaining the information. If you follow these tips then just drop out of school and go work at the local Zaxby’s, I hear they’re hiring.

Honestly, you would be sadly mistaken if you believe that the people who write these articles really even believe any of the advice they are giving you. Don’t fall for it. It’s a trap that might lead you to failing all your exams. It’s all a waste of time. Go study. Use your own studying tips. Do what works best for you. I would tell you to stop procrastinating but who am I to tell you what works best for you when it comes to studying for finals? Maybe procrastinating is your thing and maybe it will lead you to your best ever performance on finals.

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About the Writer
Jasmine McGill, Social Media

Jasmine McGill is one energetic Lady Statesmen.

A sophomore in pursuit of an English degree; complemented by a concentration in philosophy, and residing...