Content Warning: Detailed Discussion of Domestic Violence

Domestic violence (DV) is a topic that college and university circles don’t discuss enough. According to official statistics, a shocking number of college-aged women have experienced DV. 

According to Healing Abuse Working for Change (HAWC), an organization dedicated to helping victims of DV and abuse, 32% of women ages 16-24 report being in a domestic violence situation. 

The U.S. Department of Justice defines DV as “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that one partner uses to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.” They state that DV can take many forms such as physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological. 

Demographics of Domestic Violence

Even though the statistics stated above reflect the number of women in DV situations, this abuse is present across all genders and sexual orientations. Race and socioeconomic status are not a factor in this type of abuse either.

Victoria Peay, a licensed clinical social worker and professor for the Delta State social work department, stated that DV does not discriminate against its victims. This type of violence occurs in every demographic imaginable. 

Peay states, “It [DV] is an equal opportunity destroyer.”

One in four women and one in nine men have been in domestic violence situations according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. In Mississippi alone, 39.7% of women and 31.7% of men have experienced some form of DV (NCADV). 

It is important to note that abusers behaviors are often unassuming to the public, Peay states, “It’s targeted toward one person. Batterers do not treat the mailman this way. They don’t treat their professors that way. They don’t treat people they see in their classes that way. It is usually one person they have chosen that they want to control.”

Domestic Violence in College Populations

College subjects young people to the “real world.” Isolation becomes apparent when students are away from family and in a new location. This leads to a sense of ostracization.

When confronted with the typical college experience (peer pressure, drugs, alcohol and stress), individuals are more susceptible to falling into abusive relationships. Because of inexperience and lack of knowledge of relationships, up to 70% of college-aged individuals are unaware that their relationship can be classified as abusive (HAWC). 

In college populations, Peay highlights that controlling behavior may first present itself as a form of overprotectiveness. Questions like “Why didn’t you call me when you got home from a party?” or “Who talked to you when you were out with friends?” can be the first signs of abuse.

The abuser claiming that they would not ask questions about the victim’s whereabouts or plans if they did not love the victim is also a tactic that Peay pointed out. 

Peay states, “It can be casual questions. They [abusers] don’t start out punching you … [It starts as] control in simple gentle ways.” 

After these “simple gentle” ways of exerting control, abusers will often isolate the victim from their support groups. Victims will often dedicate all their time to the abuser and stray from their typical social circles.

“The relationships can start out really romantic and things start changing over time,” Peay says. 

In college, students are cut off from their main support systems. The abuser will capitalize on this and dominate their social life. Forced isolation is a huge marker of the beginning of the cycle of abuse. 

Cycles of Abuse

Domestic abuse often follows a cycle. These repeat themselves continuously until the victim is able to leave. While these cycles are common in most cases, it is important to note that every abuser and every victim may have a unique way of going through these cycles. 

Below are the four phases of the domestic violence cycle sourced from Domestic Shelters. 

1. Phase One: Tension Building
   1. As the title implies, this phase is characterized by tension building in the relationship. The abuser will make excuses for their somewhat aggressive behavior. Victims will try to placate the abuser by being submissive. 
2.  Phase Two: Incident
   1. This phase is characterized by the abuser lashing out in some form. It may be physical, verbal, emotional or sexual. Abusers attempt to control and dominate the victim during this stage. 
3. Phase Three: Reconciliation
   1. This is also referred to as the excuse stage. The abuser will often use gaslighting to attempt to convince the victim that whatever happened during the incident phase wasn’t abuse. 
4. Phase Four: Calm 
   1. This phase is also called the “honeymoon phase”. During this stage, the incident has been forgiven and the abuser will attempt to “make up” for the incident by giving gifts or being overly affectionate. 

Peay states, “Honeymoon gets less and less, and it’s just tension and explosion, tension and explosion as the relationship continues … it typically just gets worse over time.”

Peay described this cycle as a continuous pattern of abuse where the behavior does not change. 

Safety for the Victim

For those who leave a DV situation, a safety plan is absolutely necessary. 

Peay discusses the barriers that are present for victims in DV situations. Aspects like financial situations, isolation and low self-esteem from continued abuse are all factors Peay highlights as being barriers to reaching safety from a DV situation. 

Having a safety plan is of the utmost importance because it gives the victim a detailed plan on where to go, how to get help and where to find safety when they are in an unstable or unsafe situation. 

In DV situations, pets, children, family and personal safety are all ways that an abuser can attempt to threaten the victim. 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline states that “A safety plan is a set of actions that can help lower your risk of being hurt by your partner. It includes information specific to you and your life that will increase your safety at school, home and other places that you go on a daily basis.” 

The National Domestic Violence Hotline website has a resource for crafting a personalized safety plan. The website walks you through stages and creates a plan specifically for certain circumstances.

They also offer 24-hour live chat functions through their website and a 24-hour hotline with trained professionals. 

Domestic Violence Hotline: 1(800)-799-SAFE (7233)

It is important to note, if you are suspicious of a friend or family member going through a DV situation, to check on them.

Reaching out to family and friends that you worry about is the first step to help those in unsafe situations. Peay says to trust your intuition and report any sightings of DV to the local police (911).

Resources

Domestic Violence is a cycle full of danger and abuse. There are resources for victims to escape and reach safety. Listed below are just a few of the many available through the internet, phone calls, texts or Mississippi shelters. 

Please use caution while accessing these websites and calling these phone numbers. Utilize emergency exit functions on the websites and private or incognito browsers. 

Safety is the number one priority. 

• National Domestic Violence Hotline Phone Number: 1(800)-799-SAFE (7233)
• National Domestic Violence Hotline Website (Live Chat): https://www.thehotline.org/
• National Suicide Hotline Phone Number: 988
• Crisis Text Line 24-hour Text Hotline: Text HOME to 741741
• Mississippi DV Shelter Directory: https://mcadv.org/ms-shelters/ 
• Bolivar Country Shelter Website: https://www.ourhousevoices.com/domestic-violence 

For more information on recognizing healthy versus unhealthy behavior in relationships, please view the Duluth Model Power and Control Wheel (violent, unhealthy and dangerous) and the Equality Wheel (nonviolent, healthy and safe). 

The Duluth Model website has a multitude of educational resources for DV situations in several languages.