The Delta Statement

Satire: Democratic Rumble

Satire: Democratic Rumble

April 23, 2019

Every four years bring the most exciting wrestling match, the Royal Rumble. This year, 30 democrats will enter the match for an opportunity to face the world champion, Donald Trump. Many democrats have announced their place in the match-up this year. 18 competitors have already claimed their spot in the rumble--all of them hopi...

Satire: World War Borderlands 3

Satire: World War Borderlands 3

April 23, 2019

Gearbox Studios, creators of the insanely popular video game series Borderlands, have been under fire after the recent reveal of the newest addition to the franchise, Borderlands 3.   The backlash of the community was not brought on by the game reveal but was instead sparked by the announcement that Borderlands 3 ...

Satire: Top 5 Tips to Becoming a Beauty-Trending YouTuber

Satire: Top 5 Tips to Becoming a Beauty-Trending YouTuber

April 23, 2019

Number One: A camera! And not just any ol’ camera. Most successful YouTubers shell out anywhere between $200 to $2000 in recording equipment. But if you are low on cash, just use your cellphone camera! Upgrade to the latest iPhone and invest in a phone case with a lousy kickstand or pop-socket and you’re almost there. &...

High Horses

High Horses

April 23, 2019

The smell of air would be rancid to city folk, but to me it smells like making sweet memories. My old boots slip in the mud as I walk past the arena with my lead rope tight in hand. I hear the announcer call out the name of a contestant, and horse and rider shoot out of the gates to make their clover-leaf pattern around the ...

Satire: I like how you said that.

Satire: I like how you said that.

April 23, 2019

Controversy broke out this week at Delta State University over the comments on a discussion board post.   When the professor assigned the weekly discussion question to her Biology 101 class, she never imagined the debate would get so heated.   “I had students coming to my office in tears,” cites the frazzled professor. ...

Satire: Get Rich Quick: Carhop at Sonic

Satire: Get Rich Quick: Carhop at Sonic

April 23, 2019

Need great money fast? Work as a carhop at Sonic! The position is now open! Are you trying to pay off your college debt? What about your monthly rent? Or, maybe you’re just looking for a replacement job so you don’t have to get a degree at all? At Sonic Drive In, you can do just that! There are so many benefits to work...

Satire: Silly Professors

Satire: Silly Professors

April 23, 2019

As finals quickly approach, the pressure is really on for most college students. Every time I am around my classmates, they are constantly complaining about all the work they have to do. The joke is on them. If only they were perfect students like myself; they would not have anything to worry about. You see, the trick i...

Satire: Kim Kardashian to the Rescue

Satire: Kim Kardashian to the Rescue

Love Jones, Social Media

April 23, 2019

Filed under Satire, Spring 2019

In this week’s news, Kim Kardashian decides to take on another career venture. No, it’s not new KKW beauty products, it’s becoming a lawyer. In 2018, the Kardashian helped 63-year-old Cyntonia Brown, who was sentenced mandatory life plus 23 years after being wrongly convicted. One simple tweet pushed Kardashian to g...

Stop Selling Our Students Short

Stop Selling Our Students Short

April 22, 2019

We as Americans take pride in our children’s education. We take pride in our students becoming successful in their life, so much that we encourage students to think beyond high school and about college.   While graduating high school is a great accomplishment, what happens to those students who don’t attend college?...

Fear and Rejection: A Writer’s Life

Fear and Rejection: A Writer’s Life

April 22, 2019

Writing is about 30% putting words on a page and 65% rejection. That other 5% is reserved for the off chance that a publisher will accept you, and while hope and positivity and all that jazz is great, that’s not what we’re focusing on right now. We are going to focus on the part that sucks--allowing your heart and soul to...

Satire: A Dream Come True

Satire: A Dream Come True

Trey Wright, Publisher

April 22, 2019

Filed under Satire, Spring 2019

Last Saturday, fans of the local football team, The Sixty Niners, were in rage over the heartbreaking defeat from their long-time rivals, the Boston Crabs. Many fans point the blame on the recently recruited ten-year old boy named Mickey Jr. the Third.   After kickoff, the newly appointed center, Mickey Jr., proceeded...

Local Resident Assistant Needs Assistance With Residences

Local Resident Assistant Needs Assistance With Residences

April 22, 2019

Being a transfer student and moving away for the first time can be a jarring experience. It also doesn’t help that I’m not very sociable, but I still managed to talk to a couple of people and became friends with them.   One friend in particular, told me about his new position as a Resident Assistant (RA), and how w...