The Delta Statement

The Orange T-shirt Militia and Their Orange Signs

The Orange T-shirt Militia and Their Orange Signs

athletikchik123

April 19, 2019

Filed under Satire, Spring 2019

The orange signs made their return weeks ago, and this year they were scarier and brighter than ever. Every year the loud, orange, fluorescent signs take over the Delta State campus reminding students it’s that time of year again... Time to pre-register for classes. For an entire week, the Orange T-shirt wearing militia...

Satire: Tips on How Not To Study For Finals:

Satire: Tips on How Not To Study For Finals:

April 19, 2019

Chances are You Have No Chance, Especially If You Are Reading This Article If you’re looking for ways to better prepare yourself for final exams, then chances are you are looking in the wrong places. Numerous articles and news stories push the beliefs that their articles and study tips will help students make better g...

Absentee Student Surprised by Low Grades

Absentee Student Surprised by Low Grades

April 18, 2019

Billy Buck thought everything was going well in his classes at Delta State until he was surprised with a paper due date which urged him to check Canvas to find that he had a D in all his classes. He came to me with his story to fight against what he felt was an unjust situation. Billy said, “I was sure my grades were goo...

Bread, Bath, and Beyond: Olive Garden Announces Newest Product Line

Bread, Bath, and Beyond: Olive Garden Announces Newest Product Line

Sadie R. Ritter

April 18, 2019

Filed under Satire, Spring 2019

Fans of semi-affordable Italian cuisine will rejoice at Olive Garden’s newest announcement. On April 15, Olive Garden announced their upcoming line of bath bombs. Fans of unlimited breadsticks will soon be able to imagine themselves to be a breadstick as they soak in the aromas of their favorite Olive Garden dishes. R...

Satire: “Winter Wasteland in the Delta”

Satire: “Winter Wasteland in the Delta”

Ryan Rutledge, Social Media

February 5, 2019

Filed under Fall 2018, Features, Satire

Students of DSU were going through an ordinary week for a college student when disaster struck in the middle of the week. On Wednesday, Nov. 14, 2018, students were frightened to look out of their windows and see a blizzard of snow covering the campus. The suddenness of the snow storm caught everyone on campus off guard and...

Satire: Fake News Gone Rogue

Satire: Fake News Gone Rogue

February 5, 2019

It appears as though fake news has taken to new heights in an attempt to bring down President Trump and his staff. Recently, CNN White House Correspondent Jim Acosta attacked a young White House intern after President Trump attempted to stop him from asking fake questions that would attack the President’s credibility.   Later,...

Satire: Horoscopes

Satire: Horoscopes

February 5, 2019

Aries (Mar 20 – Apr 20) Don’t reach for unrealistic goals. You’re under 5’3”, so reaching that top shelf is going to be difficult. Taurus (Apr 20 – May 21) Just because your sign is the bull doesn’t mean you have to run after everything that’s red. Try chasing another color in the rainbow for once. ...

Satire: “Do the Least, Get the Most”

Satire: “Do the Least, Get the Most”

February 5, 2019

It’s finals season at Delta State University, and for many students, stress levels are peaking. However, 19-year-old freshman, Calvin McKinney, could not be more relaxed. McKinney, a Southern American gentleman, knows the values of hard work and determination, and he is determined to be the top of his class. College is...

Satire: Chaos on the Delta State Campus

Satire: Chaos on the Delta State Campus

February 5, 2019

After an unknown incitement, English majors all over the Delta State Campus are acting erratically and violently. The violence continues for the fourth consecutive week. The initial incident happened on November 15, 2018. On that day, around 12:30 p.m., a group of English majors were performing their normal noon ritual of...