The Delta Statement

The perfect Tinder profile.

The Dating Profile of Your Favorite Frat Boy

Samantha Kirkhart, Staff Writer April 30, 2024

Name: Chaney “Cheddar” Winston Age: 20 Education: Business Major. Junior. Frat - Tau Iota Tau Bio: Woman lover for sure. President of my frat #TIT4Life. I really love Taylor Swift and gambling....

Congratulations, soon-to-be grads!

The Success Letter

Jamelia Mason, Co-Editor-in-Chief April 30, 2024

Dear college seniors, Here’s what you need to know. Don't believe people when they say you have time to figure it out. You don’t. After you flip your tassel to the side, you will instantly...

All you have to do to succeed in school is eat breakfast.

Why You Should Fall Asleep After Eating a Good Breakfast

Erykah Rayford, Social Media April 25, 2023

Have you ever wondered why professors stress the importance of eating a good breakfast before taking a quiz or exam in the morning? Or why they stress the importance of getting a good night’s rest?  The...

Kick success to the curb with these tips--guaranteed to help you fail!

How to Flunk Your Exams!

Aaliyviah Frison, Copy Editor April 21, 2023

It’s that time of year again when everyone’s wondering the same thing… How do I flunk my exams? No need to fret. This article is going to tell you everything you need to know to be the best that...

They say youre destined to become your parents...but how true is that?

My Next Thirty Years

Bob Haggard, Contributing Writer April 18, 2023
How many times has an older person who knows one of your parents told you, “You look/act just like your Daddy/Mama!” I have received this comment an innumerable amount of times in my life, and even now it has started to occur more regularly. 
See what changes as Blonde Bombshell Officer Rose Clancy graces headlines from 1957 to 2073.

Satire: Trans Representation in the Media Since 1957

Naia M. Lanton, Columnist/Da Editor March 8, 2023

1957: Former Virginia State Trooper Becomes “Absolute Smokeshow” Now known as Rose Clancy by friends and relatives, Clancy says she “always knew she was different from other boys” and stated that...

Cookies under soft lighting

The Best Ooey-Gooey Triple Chocolate Chocolate Chip Cookies Guaranteed to be Better Than Your Mother Made!

Riley Stembridge, Publisher May 4, 2022

If you’re alive on this planet earth, then you’ve had a chocolate chip cookie. But I can assure you, these cookies are better than any other cookie! A buttery soft cookie packed full of chocolate!...

Employees have to deal with “Karens”, disrespectful individuals, and disturbances just for doing their job.

Endearing Yelp Reviews

Canderrian Brown, Social Media May 4, 2022

Food tastes as if a rat made it! ★☆☆☆☆ Michael B. said… This is for Lawrence, you understanding, patient, hardworking, stressed-out, underpaid and job-experienced loser! I come into...

(Image from Cranbourne Secondary College Pedagogy Toolbox)

The Professional Critics are Always Right

Bill Schmidt, Professional Movie Critic April 29, 2022

People always say that these days, everyone’s a critic. That is simply not true. Sure, people might express their opinions about their “favorite” things, but that does not make them a critic. Instead,...

Fortnite is one of the most popular video games in the world.

College Freshman Prepares for Final at 3 a.m. by Playing Fortnite

Harrison Seeley, Literary Journal April 27, 2022

Going to college is one of the biggest transitions in life. It can also be difficult balancing school, work and personal life.  Not so much for 18 year old Cody Topper. Head in the Game “My friends...

The Electoral Daycare

The Electoral Daycare

Jack Vernon, Social Media Manager November 18, 2020

The week of Nov. 3, 2020, was an interesting one to say the least. That was the week I began my time at the Electoral Daycare. The Electoral Daycare is a very special preschool daycare that only admits...

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton facing off as the last two competitors in the 2016 Democratic Rumble match.

Satire: Democratic Rumble

Ryan Rutledge, Copy Editor April 23, 2019

Every four years bring the most exciting wrestling match, the Royal Rumble. This year, 30 democrats will enter the match for an opportunity to face the world champion, Donald Trump. Many democrats have...