Satire Archives - The Delta Statement

“Winter Wasteland in the Delta”

February 5, 2019

Filed under Fall 2018, Features, Satire

Students of DSU were going through an ordinary week for a college student when disaster struck in the middle of the week. On Wednesday, Nov. 14, 2018, students were frightened to look out of their windows and see a blizzard of snow covering the campus. The suddenness of the snow storm caught everyone on campus off guard and...

Fake News Gone Rogue

February 5, 2019

It appears as though fake news has taken to new heights in an attempt to bring down President Trump and his staff. Recently, CNN White House Correspondent Jim Acosta attacked a young White House intern after President Trump attempted to stop him from asking fake questions that would attack the President’s credibility. Later,...

Horoscopes

February 5, 2019

Aries (Mar 20 – Apr 20) Don’t reach for unrealistic goals. You’re under 5’3”, so reaching that top shelf is going to be difficult. Taurus (Apr 20 – May 21) Just because your sign is the bull doesn’t mean you have to run after everything that’s red. Try chasing another color in the rainbow for once. ...

“Do the Least, Get the Most”

February 5, 2019

It’s finals season at Delta State University, and for many students, stress levels are peaking. However, 19-year-old freshman, Calvin McKinney, could not be more relaxed. McKinney, a Southern American gentleman, knows the values of hard work and determination, and he is determined to be the top of his class. College is...

Chaos on the Delta State Campus

February 5, 2019

After an unknown incitement, English majors all over the Delta State Campus are acting erratically and violently. The violence continues for the fourth consecutive week. The initial incident happened on November 15, 2018. On that day, around 12:30 p.m., a group of English majors were performing their normal noon ritual of...